If you have read our story, you know that we haven’t even been trying to get pregnant for 2 years yet. I know that this is a fairly short time to have been trying before inquiring into adoption. However, there are a few reasons behind this. First, I did speak with my gynecologist about possibly finding some answers to our infertility. Of course, finding those answers require surgery, needles, and other things that I do not do well with. If you do not know me personally, here’s a quick story to enlighten you:
Last winter, Mr. Keckles had to take a late night visit to the emergency room because he was having trouble breathing and had a tremendous amount of chest pain. Our cousin Laura went with us because she is a doll like that. Turns out he was having a panic attack, but before the doctors could figure that out and calm him down, they put him on a morphine drip. I had to excuse myself from the room because of my needle-phobia and promptly passed out twice in the hallway thinking about it. I was then admitted to my own room in the emergency area of our hospital and spent a good 2 hours being watched by nurses. Thank God that Laura was there to help him through his much more traumatic night.
Needless to say, I do not feel mentally and emotionally stable enough to deliberately put myself in a situation like that again. Hopefully, I will be in a more solid place in the future to submit myself to testing and fertility exploration.
Another possible outcome that has deterred us from fertility testing is the fact that it could be just one of our “faults” that we cannot get pregnant. What if Mr. Keckles’ swimmers just aren’t strong enough? What if my womb is just not stable enough? Neither of us want the other to live with that for the rest of their life. In our relationship and in this circumstance, ignorance is bliss.